BABY STEPS

At the risk of sounding goonie, I’m so proud of myself, you guys. First of all, I had a really great rehearsal last night for A Little Night Music. Got some good work done on my solo and the scenes surrounding it. I don’t know why but I’m nervous about finding the right tone for Carl-Magnus (my character). I feel so aware of those who have played him before and the expectations. So a lot of my work is trying to let that go and breathe through it to finding my own version of this man. And then I had the night off.

Now as I’ve written before, I’ve had eating issues for many years, and although I’m in a great place about that stuff, I have moments. Since I’ve been in Niagara-On-The Lake, I’ve had a real problem with evenings off. I just want to nibble. Couple that with any anxiety (Carl-Magnus) and it’s a recipe for disaster. Well, last night I felt so anxious, I didn’t know what to do. I knew if I sat at home, I would just start eating everything in my path – macaroni and cheese, popcorn, my printer . . So I went for a walk to the grocery store because I needed a few things (dumb thing to do, I know) and all I wanted to do was get something unhealthy. I DIDN’T! Woohoo. I brought the groceries home and then put them away. It was about 7:30. All I saw was a whole night of struggle ahead of me. Now those of you who haven’t been to NOTL, don’t understand – there really isn’t anything to do here. All of the stores are closed, I’m not going to go out drinking. There are no movie theatres, no clubs, nothing. So I decided I was going to go the the gym. I wanted to go running earlier but didn’t have the chance. So I did, y’all. I went to the gym and ran for 30 minutes. Then I went for a little swim. By the time I got home, it was 10 and I had my Jenny Craig snack (some low fat cheese and some J.C. microwave popcorn and a few grapes) – AWESOME!!!!!! Thus back to my first statement. I’m so proud of myself. Nothing like wrestling a personal demon to the ground, kicking and screaming to make you sleep like a baby.

Of course, I could barely walk this morning but hey, temporary loss of mobility is a small price to pay, right? “I win, [creak], I win, [crack], I win, [pop]” One must give a little to get a little.

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Published in: on April 25, 2008 at 2:43 pm  Leave a Comment  

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