Wow, you guys. I have to admit, I’ve been feeling a bit anxious lately. Not sure of where I want to be and what I want to be doing. I’ve been doubting my talents and my abilities a little and wondering what I’ll be doing after this (Shaw) contract. The big joke among actors when you don’t have something booked after the gig you’re doing is to say you’re never working again after this job. And I’ve been feeling a bit like that. It’s just part of this business. But the weird reality is, I’ve gotten 3 offers for jobs after this contract in the last few weeks (2 in the last week) and possibly two more coming in the next week and a half. Life can be very funny, my friends. There may be some conflict with one or two but I’ll deal with that when and if it happens. My thing though is this. I’m past taking an offer just because it’s offered. What is important to me now is that its a role that uses my talents. It has to be fun and/or challenging. And the director has to be someone I really want to work with. It’s not enough to just be about the money. I can get money some other way (no I’m not talking about selling my ass, y’all). But it’s not worth selling my soul anymore. Luckily I haven’t knowingly had to do that a lot in my career. Knock wood . . . . or something
And I’ve realized something else. I’ve got to give up sugar . . . . again. I did it last summer and I’ve rarely felt so good. I admit it, y’all, I’m a sugar-aholic. I’m so addicted to sugar. And you know how I’ve felt anxious, well, when I’m anxious, I eat. Now the good thing is, I’ve been working out too so I’m looking beefy. The bad thing is the beef is marbled. I’ve gained a chunk of weight. Woohoo. People don’t really see it as fat since, as I say, I just look beefy. And I carry extra weight well. But I’ve got a belly, my friends. There are jiggly bits. hahaa But I want to be very clear. I feel no shame about that. I see no reason to. I just can’t fit into my clothes the way I’d like to. And the worst and funniest thing is my costume in A Little Night Music was fitted about 17 lbs ago (less) so breathing is not the easiest thing. Woops. (Insert sound of me laughing). So it’s time to settle down and tell myself I’m okay and cut out the sugar and cut down the refined starches (flour). And see how that goes. Luckily, as soon as I start eating better, my body dumps excess weight fast. Thank God. What I’m not looking forward to is that first week of being off sugar. I remember feeling like a crack-whore going through rehab. The mood swings, that rages, the self-bargaining. Good times. Wish me luck.