First of all, HAPPY EASTER Y’ALL!!!!
Secondly, I’m in hell. Sort of. I love the people involved in the show and people at the Grand Theatre. But I’ve never had such a hard time learning a show. Just when I think I have something, it’s gone. I feel totally unsure of my musical entrances, my lines keep escaping me. Just when I think I know a scene, the next time we run it, it’s like I’ve never done it before. I can’t figure out why. It’s a bit of a nightmare. Seriously. I realize a big part of it is time. It’s a huge show and we’ve put it up in 3 weeks. Another 3 days would have seriously helped a lot. We haven’t even had time to tech it all the way through. And we have an invited dress tonight. It’s not that it’s anyone’s fault. I just think it’s bigger than anyone even thought. Now having said that, it’s going to be quite good, I think. Tim French is wonderful and it’s been such a joy to work with him. But as I say, I feel like I’m letting him down as I can’t seem to pull it together and it’s freaky because I can’t seem to figure out why. I can’t keep the script in my head. I go over stuff and over it and make sense of it, and then when we get to do it, it falls apart on me.
So unfortunately, this show is not going to be fun for a little while. I find myself filled with way too much anxiety at this point to really enjoy it. It will pass as I really feel myself land in it. Which may not be until week 2.
But having said all of that, I love this whole gang. The people – cast, crew, team, Grand Theatre staff – are all fantastic and supportive.
And I’ve really realized something on this show. It makes such a huge difference when the people in charge (in any field or profession) really want the people working under/for them to be empowered; to really have ownership of their work. The opposite is when a “boss/manager” wants the world to know that all of the good work of his/her “underlings” is a direct result of the “boss/manager’s” direct hand through the underlings. ie, a great manager makes it all about his/her employees (and therefore gets the best work out of them) and a bad manager makes it all about him/her self (and therefore gets the resentment of the employees). What has really made me realize that is Tim French. He really strives to give you as much information as he can so you can craft something that you can live and breath in after the show is open and he’s gone. But he gives you ownership. He wants you to take his info and combine it with yours and your own instincts and then fly with it. It makes a huge difference in one’s own performance. That’s what makes a great director. Thank God.
Okay, that’s all. I have to go and walk through my show mentally before rehearsal and try to connect more dots and get this script to stick in my head so I don’t suck in the show. God help me.