It is such a nebulous thing when one is trying to discover a personal path. hmmm what do I mean by that? I’m reminded of the adage, “find out how to get paid doing what you love to do and you’ll never have to work another day in your life.” I find myself at a/that point in my life where I’m really trying to listen. Listen to my instinct, listen to my heart, listen for the signs, listen to the “call”. The call of “what must be” from inside myself or from the universe. I have had an incredible career. I don’t even know if I dreamed I’d do some of the things I’ve been privileged enough to do. But I also know that I look at my career and something has felt . . . . . sideways. I don’t know how else to describe it. Sideways = just to the side of, always veering off of the “real” path. I do know I want to do concert and cabaret work. But wait, this isn’t really what this blog is about . . . it’s about the finding that real path for anyone.
We start out being so sure of what we think we want and then one of several things happens. Either you stay on that path no matter what and if it’s not the right one, you simply die a little inside everyday until you wind up an alcoholic or an abuser; or you realize you’re not on the right path and you find little hobbies to make you feel alive for a few minutes a day or a week – whatever keeps you from daydreaming about pushing your elderly mother down the stairs just for a change of pace; or you realize it’s not right and you start down the unknown, exciting, possibly terrifying but immensely and bountifully restorative journey of self-discovery that leads to the you you were meant to be.
How do we start that path? Choose to. It’s that simple. Especially if we get signs in a direction other than the one we’ve been pointing in. CHOOSE TO. If you make even one choice in a given moment that is different than the one you always seem to choose in that same sort of moment, it sends such a shockwave of a ripple of change through your life, it could sink the whole island of Manhattan.
I know its common to think of the internal push toward change as being begun by “courage” but I think sometimes it can be fear. Fear of being ‘just’ what I am now. Or sometimes exhaustion. Just so tired of boring myself to sleep with my own life. But whatever the reason, there is no wrong reason if the change is you becoming the best version of you.
I definitely feel meself on the verge of many changes. As a performer, for sure, but also as a coach and director. I thought that wouldn’t happen for many years but I feel the time getting closer.
In the meantime, I’m searching and listening and dreaming.
That’s enough for now. It’s late and I’m pooped. More to come. I’ve got something to tell you all soon. .. . well those of you who haven’t heard yet.